Facing the future & what to wear now

It’s a post of two halves today, one part thinking, the other shopping, both in response to reader feedback. The thing that I’ve discovered over the last year is that I enjoy writing this blog more than writing a book specifically because it’s a living thing. The conversations we have in the comments help me to know when there’s more on something that we need to talk about – or simply when you need ideas on what to wear. You don’t get that with a book, the moment you send it off to be published it’s finished and I struggle to imagine how I’ll ever get to the point where I feel something’s completed and there’s no more to be said. Anyway that’s a me problem but I’ve discovered recently that there are people here who forget to scroll down to the comments and it seems a shame because it’s so often like walking into a room where there are lots of great conversations going on – so if a post ever fires something up in your brain, don’t forget to go back a few days later to see what other people are saying. Today I’m picking up on the topic we’ve been discussing since my birthday and then moving on to a few quick shopping suggestions so it’s about facing the future and what to wear now. The first half of the post is about accepting that we’re ageing and the second is about accepting that the glorious weather we got used to was never going to last and it’s suddenly chilly!

I didn’t expect my birthday post about talking to your 80 year-old self to create quite such a reaction. I’ve had so many conversations with people about it since, both in real life and online. One of the things that surprised me most was people telling me what a viscerally emotional reaction they experienced when they tried to reside in their 80 year-old self. Quite a few said that they couldn’t face the photo-ageing task and yet when I asked why, I found they struggled to get to the bottom of it. In the end though it seems to be about fears that fall into two spheres.

One is the reality of seeing that your still vibrant mind will be residing in an old face and an old body, it’s about the physicality of it. The other is that seeing your older self forces an acknowledgement of reaching what will be the final lifestage, knowing that the closing down of your life is imminent – and by that I don’t mean death (although that’s inevitable), I mean the acceptance of the fact that you’ve probably done the most extraordinary things that you’re likely to do, from this point life will be more everyday.

And the thing is that although it feels uncomfortable to confront both of these realities, that’s exactly why it’s worth doing the exercise now while we’re still in midlife. If we can start coming to terms with ageing now, we’ll move through the years ahead with more ease and confidence. If we can become familiar with our ageing face ahead of time then we’ll avoid that cycle of looking in the mirror and feeling disappointed, it will be a more positive feeling of ‘ah hello, there you are, I knew you were coming’.

So let’s imagine you’re looking at your older face, I don’t think it’s going to be instantly easy for anyone. I tested quite a few different photos in the app and it was easy to see how when I was carrying more weight for example or I was tired, I looked more jaded than the photo I added to the post when I was feeling fit and healthy after Colombia so it’s worth spending time on finding a photo of yourself that you like. The upside of seeing less positive aspects of my 80 year-old self was that it was a bit of an ageing crystal ball and it gave me the impetus I needed to sign up for another year on my gym programme and continue focusing on nutrition. If you don’t like what you see beyond the wrinkles (there isn’t an easy way to avoid those), it’s worth asking yourself a few questions. What does it tell you about the way you’re ageing physically? Does it say that you need to start living more healthily now? Is it as simple as needing to wear SPF every day? Is now the time when you really need to start a steady exercise regime? Do you need to think harder about what you eat and drink? One of my friends told me that she’d decided it was time to think about cutting her long hair and finding a shorter style that suits her, it had been on her mind for a while but the 80-year old photo focused her because she felt her long hair wasn’t going to age well.

We have to accept that our faces are going to age, that we’re never again going to look as young as we do today. If you’re someone who’s always had great physical beauty then it must be so much harder but it’s a better option than the alternative which is, of course, not living to that age and missing out on all of the great times that lie between now and then. I don’t know whether it makes it easier or harder that I have my photo taken so often but it means I’m very in touch with the fact that I’m ageing. I think I’ve already said that over the last twelve months I’ve noticed my skin and body ageing faster than I ever have before. I look at my face now and see a slightly crumpled paper bag version, not the smooth one that it was until very recently. I read an interview with the journalist Christa D’Souza this week where she said that the ages between 59 and 64 were when she felt she transitioned from youthful-looking midlifer to older woman. It’s going to happen to us all.

Of course there are some choices. I find myself lingering wistfully over articles about things like blephoroplasty eye lifts until I see the starting from £6,500 price tag and think about the adventures that amount of money could buy instead. And if you start down that path I wonder where you’d stop. If you had your eyes lifted would you then notice your jowls more… or your neck… and there’s nothing you can do about your hands. The thing is that even though you might look younger, you’d still be the same you inside at the end of it.

I’ve had a telling lesson that small tweaks to physical appearance don’t make the enormous difference you imagine they will recently. Ever since I lost a lot of weight back in 2013 and reached the point where I couldn’t bear to live on a diet any longer, I’ve harboured a nagging conviction around how different I’d feel if I’d just pushed myself to go half a stone lighter. And then when we got back from the intensive salsa course in Colombia in February, I found I had. And have I turned into the new and improved woman that I always thought the half a stone down would bring? Not at all, I don’t feel any different – other than knowing it’s better for my BMI my life hasn’t changed one bit… and my favourite Me+Em jeans don’t flipping well fit anywhere near as well as they did!

We’re all ageing every day and I think it’s worth facing up to it purely so that you can come to terms with it kindly. Imagine being that 80 year-old woman looking back at herself and realising too late how much of her life she’d tainted by not accepting how she looked. However vibrant and confident she is at 80, she’s going to feel exasperated. And I bet if you gave her the chance to look exactly as she does right now in 2025 she’d jump at the chance. There’s a balance to be found between controlling what we can by making the very best of what we have and accepting what we can’t change by coming to terms with who we are. So many of us tarnish our lives by wishing that we looked different to the way we do. As we start to age more visibly it’s time to let that go, to finally be ‘bien dans nos peaux.’

Once again let’s accept that we’re all going to be old… if we’re lucky. When you chat to her that 80 year-old woman is going to remind you that the time you have between now and then is finite so it’s better to spend it strategically than let it seep away. As always, strategy involves breaking things down into workable chunks. It was when I sat down with my pension adviser last year that I was really forced to think about it because he asked me, ‘how much money are you going to need in retirement?’ I should probably have been able to have answer him without too much trouble but the thing is that having worked for myself since 2001 I’ve never had a fixed income so I didn’t have the first idea. He then suggested we work it out according to how I was planning to spend my time – how much travelling I’d be doing, how often I’d want a new car, how many times a week I’d want to go out for coffee… and my mind was blown. I just haven’t thought ahead like that yet, he may as well have asked me how many times I’m planning to pop to the moon.

However, the useful thing that I’ve kept in mind from that meeting was that he pulled out charts and graphs (I’m a sucker for models and statistics) and explained the U shaped curve. That is that you need more money in the early days of drawing your pension (for fun mostly – and overdue house repairs) but also at the end, for care. He explained that it’s tri-phasic, divided between what he called the ‘active, passive and supported’ years which all sounded very depressing. But then a little while ago in the comments our much loved Mary Katherine rebranded them as our ‘go-go, slow-go and no-go’ years which feels so much better.

So, let’s imagine that we’re sitting with our 80 year-old picture in front of us. She’ll probably be crossing the bridge to the no-go years so we need to make sure that she’s filled the go-go and slow-gos with everything she wanted to do. When you look at it from that perspective you may realise that the opportunity timeframe is smaller than you’d thought. It’s easy to think that we have at least X years until we die but actually not all of those will be fully active. And so once again that’s why having the picture of that woman in your mind is useful. You need to hold her to your heart and make sure she’s looking back, nodding (and hopefully chuckling too) at everything she did. It’s so much easier if you make friends with her now and care about her dreams.

I’m going to leave it at that but those of you who told me you were sticking your heads in the sand be warned, I’m going to ask you again when I next talk to you… you know who you are. We can resist ageing or we can embrace it, it’s going to happen anyway to those of us who are lucky enough to stick around. The choice is ours but it makes much more sense to surf the wave ahead than splutter our way through it. And planning for go-go could be a really fun project.

I didn’t expect my birthday post about talking to your 80 year-old self to create quite such a reaction. I’ve had so many conversations with people about it since, both in real life and online. One of the things that surprised me most was people telling me what a viscerally emotional reaction they experienced when they tried to reside in their 80 year-old self. Quite a few said that they couldn’t face the photo-ageing task and yet when I asked why, I found they struggled to get to the bottom of it. In the end though it seems to be about fears that fall into two spheres.

One is the reality of seeing that your still vibrant mind will be residing in an old face and an old body, it’s about the physicality of it. The other is that seeing your older self forces an acknowledgement of reaching what will be the final lifestage, knowing that the closing down of your life is imminent – and by that I don’t mean death (although that’s inevitable), I mean the acceptance of the fact that you’ve probably done the most extraordinary things that you’re likely to do, from this point life will be more everyday.

And the thing is that although it feels uncomfortable to confront both of these realities, that’s exactly why it’s worth doing the exercise now while we’re still in midlife. If we can start coming to terms with ageing now, we’ll move through the years ahead with more ease and confidence. If we can become familiar with our ageing face ahead of time then we’ll avoid that cycle of looking in the mirror and feeling disappointed, it will be a more positive feeling of ‘ah hello, there you are, I knew you were coming’.

So let’s imagine you’re looking at your older face, I don’t think it’s going to be instantly easy for anyone. I tested quite a few different photos in the app and it was easy to see how when I was carrying more weight for example or I was tired, I looked more jaded than the photo I added to the post when I was feeling fit and healthy after Colombia so it’s worth spending time on finding a photo of yourself that you like. The upside of seeing less positive aspects of my 80 year-old self was that it was a bit of an ageing crystal ball and it gave me the impetus I needed to sign up for another year on my gym programme and continue focusing on nutrition. If you don’t like what you see beyond the wrinkles (there isn’t an easy way to avoid those), it’s worth asking yourself a few questions. What does it tell you about the way you’re ageing physically? Does it say that you need to start living more healthily now? Is it as simple as needing to wear SPF every day? Is now the time when you really need to start a steady exercise regime? Do you need to think harder about what you eat and drink? One of my friends told me that she’d decided it was time to think about cutting her long hair and finding a shorter style that suits her, it had been on her mind for a while but the 80-year old photo focused her because she felt her long hair wasn’t going to age well.

We have to accept that our faces are going to age, that we’re never again going to look as young as we do today. If you’re someone who’s always had great physical beauty then it must be so much harder but it’s a better option than the alternative which is, of course, not living to that age and missing out on all of the great times that lie between now and then. I don’t know whether it makes it easier or harder that I have my photo taken so often but it means I’m very in touch with the fact that I’m ageing. I think I’ve already said that over the last twelve months I’ve noticed my skin and body ageing faster than I ever have before. I look at my face now and see a slightly crumpled paper bag version, not the smooth one that it was until very recently. I read an interview with the journalist Christa D’Souza this week where she said that the ages between 59 and 64 were when she felt she transitioned from youthful-looking midlifer to older woman. It’s going to happen to us all.

Of course there are some choices. I find myself lingering wistfully over articles about things like blephoroplasty eye lifts until I see the starting from £6,500 price tag and think about the adventures that amount of money could buy instead. And if you start down that path I wonder where you’d stop. If you had your eyes lifted would you then notice your jowls more… or your neck… and there’s nothing you can do about your hands. The thing is that even though you might look younger, you’d still be the same you inside at the end of it.

I’ve had a telling lesson that small tweaks to physical appearance don’t make the enormous difference you imagine they will recently. Ever since I lost a lot of weight back in 2013 and reached the point where I couldn’t bear to live on a diet any longer, I’ve harboured a nagging conviction around how different I’d feel if I’d just pushed myself to go half a stone lighter. And then when we got back from the intensive salsa course in Colombia in February, I found I had. And have I turned into the new and improved woman that I always thought the half a stone down would bring? Not at all, I don’t feel any different – other than knowing it’s better for my BMI my life hasn’t changed one bit… and my favourite Me+Em jeans don’t flipping well fit anywhere near as well as they did!

We’re all ageing every day and I think it’s worth facing up to it purely so that you can come to terms with it kindly. Imagine being that 80 year-old woman looking back at herself and realising too late how much of her life she’d tainted by not accepting how she looked. However vibrant and confident she is at 80, she’s going to feel exasperated. And I bet if you gave her the chance to look exactly as she does right now in 2025 she’d jump at the chance. There’s a balance to be found between controlling what we can by making the very best of what we have and accepting what we can’t change by coming to terms with who we are. So many of us tarnish our lives by wishing that we looked different to the way we do. As we start to age more visibly it’s time to let that go, to finally be ‘bien dans nos peaux.’

Once again let’s accept that we’re all going to be old… if we’re lucky. When you chat to her that 80 year-old woman is going to remind you that the time you have between now and then is finite so it’s better to spend it strategically than let it seep away. As always, strategy involves breaking things down into workable chunks. It was when I sat down with my pension adviser last year that I was really forced to think about it because he asked me, ‘how much money are you going to need in retirement?’ I should probably have been able to have answer him without too much trouble but the thing is that having worked for myself since 2001 I’ve never had a fixed income so I didn’t have the first idea. He then suggested we work it out according to how I was planning to spend my time – how much travelling I’d be doing, how often I’d want a new car, how many times a week I’d want to go out for coffee… and my mind was blown. I just haven’t thought ahead like that yet, he may as well have asked me how many times I’m planning to pop to the moon.

However, the useful thing that I’ve kept in mind from that meeting was that he pulled out charts and graphs (I’m a sucker for models and statistics) and explained the U shaped curve. That is that you need more money in the early days of drawing your pension (for fun mostly – and overdue house repairs) but also at the end, for care. He explained that it’s tri-phasic, divided between what he called the ‘active, passive and supported’ years which all sounded very depressing. But then a little while ago in the comments our much loved Mary Katherine rebranded them as our ‘go-go, slow-go and no-go’ years which feels so much better.

So, let’s imagine that we’re sitting with our 80 year-old picture in front of us. She’ll probably be crossing the bridge to the no-go years so we need to make sure that she’s filled the go-go and slow-gos with everything she wanted to do. When you look at it from that perspective you may realise that the opportunity timeframe is smaller than you’d thought. It’s easy to think that we have at least X years until we die but actually not all of those will be fully active. And so once again that’s why having the picture of that woman in your mind is useful. You need to hold her to your heart and make sure she’s looking back, nodding (and hopefully chuckling too) at everything she did. It’s so much easier if you make friends with her now and care about her dreams.

I’m going to leave it at that but those of you who told me you were sticking your heads in the sand be warned, I’m going to ask you again when I next talk to you… you know who you are. We can resist ageing or we can embrace it, it’s going to happen anyway to those of us who are lucky enough to stick around. The choice is ours but it makes much more sense to surf the wave ahead than splutter our way through it. And planning for go-go could be a really fun project.

Let’s move on to something lighter – but still relevant, what you wear is all about making the best of yourself. This is in response to an Instagram message from Sam (by the way if you want to talk to me with any kind of speed don’t DM me on socials – I only check there a couple of times a month, email me instead). Sam said, “I’ve been so happy wearing my summer clothes recently but now it’s cold again and it reminds me that I really struggle with summer clothes – what do you wear when it’s sub 15 degrees and cloudy?”

It’s really disappointing that the weather’s turned isn’t it? I know we’re due a few warm days next week but even so, that happy illusion of solid sunshine until October has been dispelled. For me the last couple of weeks have been about light layers with sleeves. These days I find that my whole body temperature is controlled by the tops of my arms and if they’re warm I’m ok. So I’ve been wearing the Boden cotton blouses that I featured in my last edit for days when I see people either in the flesh or online. Otherwise I tend towards bretons and like most people I have three weights of those because they’re so indispensable for casual chic – heavy, mid and light. And on the odd changeable day when it’s suddenly cooler in the evenings I’ve been relying on sweatshirts and cardigans. I realise there’s no styling magic in any of this, it’s just reality when summer lets you down. Because we’re in the midst of high summer and holiday dressing collections there isn’t a lot in the shops that’s very interesting at the moment – but here are a few things I’ve found if you have wardrobe gaps.

I’m starting with the best lightweight and mid-weight bretons, these are the ones that I buy on repeat because nobody does them better. I’m surprised to see the reductions on the lightweight ones, there are some great buys there in most sizes. I’ve included one with a slightly different neckline too for added interest.

We’ve already discussed the return of the slogan tee this year and the way it works for adding a splash of vitality to an otherwise straightforward outfit. The sweatshirt is its cooler weather cousin and there are some really good versions around now that the graphic approach is trending again.

We discussed the demise of the denim jacket last week and the hole it’s left in the summer wardrobe. A cardigan is a very French way of adding an extra layer at this time of year but to avoid looking prim you need to focus on the detail – a shorter bomber or boxy cut with added detailing in the form of pockets, oversized buttons or trim edging.

The latest drop comes out this weekend so I’ve been glued to the preview for the last hour when I should have been typing. Anyway I just thought I’d make an observation because I’m watching the way all brands are handling their pricing at the moment. We all know that from restaurants to retailers, businesses across the board are having to put their prices up. Not only have their own costs risen since April but so have those of their supply chain and it all adds to increases.

The majority are adding a percentage onto everything in a uniform way. What I’m noticing with Me+Em though is a different approach. They’re putting a heavy increase onto their top end – so whereas their occasionwear and tailoring used to feel expensive tipping the £200 mark, it’s now between £300 – £400. However. They’re also introducing a lot more entry-point pieces at the bottom of the range so you can buy beautifully cut t-shirts for £45 and simple but well designed dresses for less than £100.

It’s very clever retail marketing. A lot of brands don’t think pricing through carefully enough these days, they’re too busy focusing on how much profit they can make but used well, price is very much a marketing tool. Me+Em appear to be doing exactly what we did at Selfridges back at the turn of the millennium when our strategy was based around benchmark pricing. So the buyers were tasked with making sure that we had, for example, white t-shirts ranging from £7 to £700 to ensure that almost anybody could feel the joy of walking out of the store carrying a yellow bag. It was very much about inclusivity versus exclusivity in honour of Gordon Selfridge’s original statement that ‘everyone can spend a day at Selfridges’ and I still feel proud to have been part of that shopping democracy, even though they don’t hold to it now.

So it appears that Me+Em are doing something similarly clever with price from a marketing perspective. As a brand they’ve risen much higher on fashion’s radar over the last couple of years and as a result more people are shopping there. Some of my Surbiton friends have been spluttering away at it becoming ubiquitous so it seems that they’re dealing with that by introducing a top end that only a few can afford while adding volume at the bottom. I suspect they know that once a new customer tries their clothing, they’re very, very likely to go back and find themselves tempted ever higher up the price scale.

I know some of you enjoy a bit of retail geekery and so that’s why I’m pointing it out now. Here are a few of the latest introductions at the bottom end, you can look through the full new drop here.

Not everyone likes a t-shirt with a bit of a crop I know but if you wear a lot of skirts or have Me+Em jeans this has been cut to sit perfectly with them. It has flattering half sleeves and a neck that’s slightly higher than a standard crew for an uber modern look. Plus it’s cream rather than white which is hard to find.

High neck fitted tee

For something that has a longer length look at this raglan tee and the way the sleeves have been angled to flatter the tops of the arms. The ribbed fabric stops it from losing its shape and the soft chambray colour gives you chic tonal dressing with jeans. Also available in white.

Chambray tee- raglan cut

This tee is priced a bit higher but there’s more to the design with the half length puff sleeves and micro-rib jersey. Your eye can see the quality without even having to feel it. Also available in red.

Pouf sleeve tee

If you prefer something less fitted this pretty blouse is available in navy and lilac too. The soft fabric makes the cut of the shirt feel less masculine, even though it’s still a sharp look.

Soft white blouse

And this is as far up the price bracket as I’m going today but once again, look at the flattering detail. The volume in the sleeve disguises anything you want to hide there but ends in a small frill that frames the elbow – exactly the point where the arm narrows.

Pointelle sleeve top

I’m not for a moment saying that Me+Em is cheap but it is good value because the fabrics are good quality and the detail is kind to the body, bringing out the best in it. And going forward I think we all want to buy less but invest in pieces that will still be making us look great at 80. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go on about ageing again… just saying! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you next week.

Disclosure: ‘Facing the future & what to wear now’ is not a sponsored post’

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