How to stay slim in menopause – my method

How to stay slim through menopause – my method

Since I started sharing how I’ve changed things up during my fifties on Instagram, one question has come up more than any other. How have you stayed relatively slim through menopause? I know some of you will have seen the information I shared over there but others won’t and it’s had such a big response that I thought it was worth talking about here too.  I’ll start by saying though that I always feel a bit awkward answering questions about weight/size because I know it can provoke difficult thoughts in whoever is reading and that’s really not what I want to do with this blog. I’m also not professionally qualified to talk about it in any way other than my own experience but people always seem to want to know about that so I’m going to share it today and then move on.

People often assume that staying a size 12, particularly at this time of life, must come easily to me. I wish it did but it really doesn’t. Over the years I’ve developed my own method and discipline. When I went through it last week on Instagram the thing that seemed to strike a lot of people wasn’t the food or the exercise, it was that years ago I stopped thinking about my body in terms of stones and pounds and started thinking about it as a dress size instead. Going by the comments and messages I received, that one small shift was a new way of thinking for a lot of people so I’m going to put the whole thing in one place here and also add one more trick that I didn’t discuss on Instagram because it feels a bit daft – but it works.

First of all though I must stress again that I’m not a nutritionist, I’m not a dietician and I have no quick fix to sell you. And I’m not saying that anybody needs to be any particular size to be able to get on brilliantly with their life. For me staying slim(ish) is mostly about health and longevity and this is just what I’ve worked out for myself as an ordinary woman over a lot of years. Take what’s useful and dismiss the rest.

The problem with scales is that they lie to you – or at least they’re not nearly as accurate as we’re led to expect, even if you have supertech Withings scales like I do. I know this because I regularly test them against the very advanced body scanning equipment at the gym and they’re always miles out . As you know, weight and body composition bounce around from one morning to the next with water and salt and hormones and weather. In our fifties with menopause added to the mix they bounce around even more. You can be doing everything right and still see a number that ruins your morning, it’s a miserable way to start the day.

A dress size doesn’t do that to you, it just tells you whether the clothes you wear regularly still fit. It changes slowly, it doesn’t react dramatically to what you ate at the weekend, it just measures the one thing that actually matters – and whether your clothes fit is what actually affects how you feel when you’re getting dressed each morning. When my favourite Me+Em jeans slip on easily all’s well. When they don’t, I know that I’ve drifted and it’s time to take action. I don’t start worrying about numbers but I know that my wardrobe’s whispering to me.

This all occurred to me years ago after I’d lost a lot of weight but then let my happiness be ruled by my daily weigh-in. I’ve talked before about my mum and how when she was dying in the hospice, she had huge regrets about the way she’d lived with food (or rather against it) and she urged me not to waste my life that way. So instead of the narrow band of a particular weight, I decided what size I wanted to be for the rest of my life.

At that point I was emerging from the small, sticky children era, still carrying the extra weight that I’d had since my third pregnancy. From a pragmatic perspective I knew that I wanted a new look but there was no point in spending any money on clothes until I was the size I wanted to buy at the shops. At the same time I was also aware that I wouldn’t have the same budget for reinvention again. You see I’d kept back a little bit of the money my parents left me. Most of it went into our big house extension project but I knew my mum would approve of me spending some on clothes, as long as they were good quality and would last. I decided to start a personal project based on ‘getting my groove back’ – and a lot of you have been with me since that began here in 2014. So the fact that I was going to use that meaningful money was another reason for not buying anything until I reached the size that I was going to stick with.

Back in 2013 I chose a UK 12 even though it wasn’t the smallest I could have aimed for – before children I was an 8. But a size 12 is small enough for me to recognise myself and roomy enough for me to enjoy a full life. I love puddings… holidays… one more glass of wine when I’m having fun. If I’d gone for a 10 or an 8 I’d have had to spend all of my time managing it, saying no to things I love, weighing up every single mouthful in my head. I can live properly in a size 12 and I have done for the last thirteen years.

I think that deep down a lot of us torture ourselves over a size we ‘could’ be that’s a notch or two smaller than makes sense. I’ll admit that I had a 10 at the back of mind until I started reading about frailty and how we need a buffer for our immune systems to work properly after menopause. So don’t do that to yourself. If you’re going to start a reinvention project, think about the size you can stay at without bending your whole life around it. And when you decide on it ask yourself: can I honestly keep this up and still have dinners out, holidays or wine on a Friday? If the answer’s no, it’s an ambition, not a size.

So for me it was a 12, yours might be a different number and that’s exactly as it should be. The size isn’t the point, choosing it and calling off the years of endless renegotiations is.

Now this is the point where someone will say ‘but it doesn’t work because all retailers’ sizes are different’. And yes, they are, so why are you banging your head against the wall of a brand that repeatedly doesn’t work for you? The intelligent thing is to find the brands that cut for your frame-size because that’s what determines the way that the clothes will fit you. So for my solid northern frame I know that I’ll always be a 12 or a medium at places like Cos, Boden, Me+Em because their pattern template is made for a body like mine. I used to also be able to get a regular fit from M&S but their template seems to have changed over the last couple of years and so very soon I’ll give up on them.

Brands like Sézane and Zara design for a smaller frame, I can wear some of their tops but I know there’s no point in trying trousers or anything structured because my bone structure is too broad. Mint Velvet cuts for a completely different shape to my body. So for this project you’ll need to find your brands and stop worrying about the others. In fact you should do that even if you don’t have a reinvention project – take the brands that don’t deserve your spend out of your head.

So, I’ll take you back to the beginning of mine. Some of you know me from when I started to build my new wardrobe back in 2014, however the project of getting to the size I wanted to be came before that in 2013. I was 46 and still carrying that baby weight from the youngest being born in 2003. I’d stopped noticing it while I’d been bringing up tiny children and looking after sick parents as well as running a business and I think sometimes that’s the only way to cope, you have to give yourself a break. It takes a lot of energy to change your eating habits and I don’t think anybody can do it when they’re feeling overwhelmed by other things. I’d also become good at hovering at the back of every photograph which is why there’s almost no record of that decade but my friend Nicky caught me here, and I look pregnant but I just had a big tummy and hips.

After my parents died and my daily load lightened a bit, there came a point where I looked at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw – it’s a strong word but it’s how I felt. I’d lost my style but underneath that I couldn’t even see my ‘self’. I just didn’t know who I was or what I stood for any more.

I’d tried dieting alone, promising myself I’d be good but it never stuck and slowly I realised that I needed some external accountability because that’s the kind of person I am. I’d like to say that I found willpower or the perfect system but actually it was going to a village hall with scales in the corner packed with women who were all in the same boat. Yes there was an eating plan to stick to but it was the weekly reporting that really did it for me, just the knowledge that somebody was going to look me in the eye and hold me to account. Say what you like about a room of near-strangers (and they were, because at the beginning I drove miles to a group where nobody knew me) but not wanting to fail publicly was what worked. There are so many apps for weight loss now but I believe that we do far better when a real human’s watching us.

That’s now thirteen years ago, it took me almost a year to get to my size 12 and it’s mostly stayed off since then. Mostly – when I go on holiday I bring half a stone home with me and it happens at Christmas too. The difference now is that I catch it early so that I don’t have to go into that endless cycle of self-blame and procrastination.

This is what everyone asks about next so I’ll go into it but with my nutritionist disclaimer still very much in place. This is only what works for me.

I keep things protein rich. I aim for around 135g of it, split across three meals so that I’m not suddenly starving at four o’clock. Protein matters more as we get older for maintaining muscle and for feeling full. Even with my regular strength training and protein intake I find it slow to build new muscle at this age – but at least I’m not losing it. Around that protein I build a balanced plate: plenty of vegetables and a small portion of low GI carbs that won’t spike my blood sugar and drive me to the biscuit tin an hour later (beans, lentils, quinoa, bulgar wheat etc).

I only drink alcohol when I’m out socially and I know that sounds like tough discipline but it actually just means that I got out of the habit of pouring a glass of wine at home. This seems to be the thing that people I’ve spoken to are most reluctant to give up, they say it helps them to wind down. My way of looking at it is that as soon as I walk through the door at night I’m home. And home is my safe place so I can relax. I don’t work hard all day to dull my senses with alcohol, I want to appreciate the time when I’m not at my desk. Plus if I have even one glass of wine it disrupts my sleep so I just save it for going out instead. That’s when it helps me because it opens me up and makes me more sociable – and because I don’t drink much I’m a cheap date!

Let’s move on. Every single evening I have six squares of Green & Black’s 70%. I look forward to it all day and I find that if I have a sugar craving, just reminding myself that that small treat is coming usually helps. Not always though because I have a sweet tooth; chocolate and cakes are the things that are most likely to trip me up. However these are the only rules that I stick to really, no unbearable deprivation or counting calories. It’s about eating well in a way that I can keep up for the next thirty years. A plan you can’t keep up is just a punishment with an end date… and one you know you’ll cycle through again and again.

There’s the old saying that ‘abs are made in the kitchen’ and I wish it were the case that you could stand by the fridge for an hour and come away with a six-pack but sadly it means that food and drink has the most impact on your weight (80% my PT tells me). Movement is what keeps things steady underneath. I don’t do anything punishing but I have three elements that each do a different job.

Strength training maintains muscle which helps to keep my metabolism ticking over well – and you have to work harder at that in midlife. As you can see here I work with an older PT who understands that older bodies shouldn’t adhere to the mantra that ‘pain is just weakness leaving the body.’ He’s helping me to adapt to going lighter but with more reps. It’s hard after years of always aiming to push heavier so I’m also learning that I have to manage the mindset that drives me very differently now.

In terms of weight management, Cardio burns off some of what I’ve eaten and clears my head while I’m at it. You have to run a very long way to burn off a big bar of chocolate though. Then there’s my daily walk with Ted who gives me absolutely no say in the matter, rain or shine, he needs walking. Working from home means that otherwise I get no ‘NEAT exercise’ (the moving that burns calories without feeling like an effort). My youngest, working in a classroom all day, does at least 20,000 steps. If I don’t go for a walk, I get about 500.

None of what I do is in the league of superwoman activity. I just plan it into my week on a Sunday afternoon so that I don’t have to summon the motivation each time. That’s the real trick with exercise, I think. Make it a fixture not a daily decision, don’t rely on willpower you might not have when you’re weary and it’s raining outside.

And then there’s something I haven’t mentioned on Instagram that I devised last year, it sounds a bit mad but bear with me. You see I realised that my brain just sees my body as a vehicle for carrying it around. That brain is a bully and it often starts a fight when I’m heading out to exercise because it starts asking things like “is this the best use of your intelligence?” (the implication behind that being that I should stay at home and work or read). So last year I decided to separate the two and knowing that I needed to stick up for my body more, I gave her a name. I call her Glorious which sounds very big-headed but it’s more tongue-in-cheek and it makes me smile. And when I think about it she is glorious – for everything she does for me every single day, for the fact that she gave me my three huge boys, without her I wouldn’t have the pleasure of dancing and so many other things.

So when the negative thoughts come up in my head I now defend her – and if my brain starts squabbling about going to the gym I shut it down. And if Glorious herself isn’t feeling like a cardio session, I can talk to her encouragingly in the same way that I would the boys and she can usually be persuaded around. Plus Mal will tell Glorious if she’s needing a kick up the bum, it lightens the mood when I’m reluctant to move. But equally I’m now kinder to Glorious when I look in the mirror, I work with her not against her.

This is my favourite part and I call it periodisation which is a big word for two very ordinary habits. Periodisation is why none of this gets to the point of feeling too much like hard work and making me want to give up, you see I put treats in the diary before anything else.

One: I always have a proper weekend off booked in every month. My sole objective on those weekends is to let my hair down, nothing’s measured and there’s no guilt afterwards. Because it’s planned, it doesn’t feel like a slip – you can’t fall off a wagon you deliberately jumped off. And knowing a break is coming is exactly what stops me feeling deprived in between.

Two: there’s always something good on the horizon that I want to look and feel my best for. A trip, a disco event, a pair of sequinned trousers that I haven’t worn for ages. It gives me something to think about when I’m going up the stairs to a circuits class that I really don’t feel like doing. These built-in breaks and small, happy goals are the difference between a way of living and yet another diet that you give up on within six weeks.

I’m going to say this again because the living with yourself in a kind way is the most important bit. It slips… of course it does. As I said I go away (a lot) and I (always) come home softer round the edges. This system means that it’s ok, I pat Glorious on the back for having a rip-roaring time, there’s no spiralling or launching into a crash diet which is a wretched way to live and it doesn’t work anyway.

What I do now is dull and effective. I notice early and I ease things back for a bit – perhaps push one of my weekends off for an extra week or so. When you learn how to work with your body rather than against it there’s no punishment and no starting again. If you keep the slips small you only need a small correction. That’s the whole maintenance game once you’ve chosen and achieved your size.

In summary

So there it is, there’s a lot more than I was able to say in a reel. Put your scales away, choose a size that gives you space for the good bits of life, name your body then stop beating her up. Your size is up to you but choosing it might be the biggest relief you’ll feel all year. I’m happy to chat about it any time because my body keeps changing and so I’m constantly working it out as I go along too.

I hope that was helpful. I want to say a huge thank you to everyone on the Marrakech waiting list, the second trip that we sent around sold out in an hour. If you were disappointed, we’re thinking of doing another in the autumn next year, maybe with a different theme. I feel really very touched that we have people coming from Australia, America, Canada, Switzerland, France and Ireland as well as the UK. There are going to be some fascinating midlife conversations over long lunches and dinners as well as some interesting forays into the medina and beyond.

As I send this live we’re escaping what has felt like a frozen north (can you believe it was 11 degrees on Monday!) and heading towards London and the sunshine. After two difficult months we have something to look forward to this weekend, our favourite festival. Since May, life has been full of the fallout of death, its admin and its feelings. So I’m secretly hoping that Mal will feel able to leave all of the problems behind him for a couple of days and let what little is left of his hair down unreservedly! I’ll be over on Instagram Stories now and then if you fancy coming along. If not, have fun and I’ll see you next week.

Disclosure: “How to stay slim in menopause – my method” is not a sponsored post

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