Tour d’Angleterre – Midlife Lately

Well it’s very nice to be back chatting to you even though I didn’t have the relaxing break that some of you imagined when I said I was signing off for a couple of weeks. Instead I’ve been on a ‘tour d’Angleterre’ and this kind of living out of a suitcase is so often how my life goes but it’s usually more work related than the last two weeks have been. So come with me this time on a circuit of England – twice around – this is the route I’ve travelled and there’s a lot to catch up on so you know the drill… a pot of tea or half a bottle of wine (at least!).

So this was Mal and me, setting off from home two weeks ago as we headed down to Bristol, ready for our reader get together. It was a bit of a strange feeling for me because this was the first time that Mal had organised a Midlifechic event without my input. He’s a lover of process and nitty gritty and so I’ve accepted that he’s better at these things than I am – and he enjoys it, whereas I spend months worrying that it won’t be good enough.

The last few Midlifechic events have shown me that we have something special here; whether it’s a weekend or just a night, the time that readers spend together is really enriching. It is for us too and so after each one we feel even more encouraged to think up something new. We have some exciting plans in development but we have to wait until we’ve been down to the World Travel Market in November before we can put them into action.

Anyway as we travelled south, the sun came out and we were looking forward to spending a Friday afternoon exploring Bristol before everyone arrived the following day.

We’d booked a walking tour that promised to take us ‘from Banksy to Blackbeard’ so we headed over to the meeting point and what happened? Rain came from nowhere… well I say nowhere but it’s just the grey cloud that I’ve now decided has been pretty much hovering over my head all summer. It wasn’t forecast so I hadn’t taken an umbrella (after all you’ve all been telling me that it hasn’t rained for MONTHS in the south) and so yes, I was muttering at you under my breath as I resorted to a packable John Lewis bag over my head which was the only thing I had to hand.

There’s a lot I could say about Banksy and the history of Bristol in general but there isn’t time today. The thing that surprised me most is how relatively new Bristol is. The guide explained that it’s because the Romans missed it by taking a route towards Gloucester, Cirencester and Bath instead. And so the history is more mercantile, akin to Manchester and Leeds… established on the back of the slave trade as we all know after the toppling of the Edward Colston statue during the Black Lives Matter protests in 2020.

That evening we had a lovely time completely directed by people who follow my Instagram account. I asked for suggestions of where to go and we tried a couple of lively bars in the centre, then the Hotel du Vin in Clifton with the spectacular view that you can see here…

… and we ended up eating in Clifton too – but not at any of the chic little spots that were recommended… because Mal was drawn like a Bisto kid towards this traditional curry house

And so Saturday dawned, bright and sunny. We had a morning walk around the centre feeling slightly confused by how extraordinary the people of Bristol seemed to be until we discovered that there was a Comic Con event on at a hotel near to ours which explained all of the fantastical furries, manga characters and superheroes that were wandering around.

Pink Boden linen suit (SS23); Silver shoes

Back at the hotel we relaxed in the bar next to reception and one by one readers started to arrive. We had fifteen returners and ten new attendees which was the perfect mix. Nobody knew in advance who would be there so there were gasps when people saw those they recognised and smiles as they welcomed new faces. I feel as if every woman who walks into the room takes her metaphorical armour off. I think you’ll know what I mean by that, it’s the bracing that we’ve probably all been doing in one way or another since we were teenagers whenever we head out into the world.

I see it now even at the women’s networking events that I go to (when I really have to!). Even though there are no men in the room it’s still a sell, in one way or another, the intention is to impress. Somehow though at these reader events defences are down and hearts are open. As I always say, conversations catch light and so the photos that Mal takes often look quite serious but it’s just because people are really talking.

So I’m not exaggerating when I say that I find it extraordinary and yet it happens every time which is why I want to keep on running these events. For me they fill a gap that I have in my life. I have plenty of old friends who I know inside out and who are like a warm bath whenever I see them. And I have plenty of family around me. But what I don’t have is the opportunity to meet new women on the same wavelength as easily as this. It would probably take me a year of striking up conversations in coffee shops with women who look like they might be up for a great conversation before I made a single strong connection – and yet here there’s a roomful of you. We’re all different ages with different lifestyles and we like different things but it doesn’t matter because we just click. I suspect it’s because we share the same values around integrity, intelligence, curiosity and a desire not to take life, or ourselves, too seriously. Here’s the whole group, I’m going to start calling us a prime of midlife women.

The talking went on over dinner…

… and then afterwards back in our own private bar… up to the point where they told us we had to go to bed because the staff needed to go home! And yet we still had more to talk about over breakfast in the morning.

If you haven’t been to a Midlifechic event yet because you’re feeling nervous then I hope this reassures you. It isn’t about what anyone’s wearing – although I did chuckle when somebody told me there had been a conversation where everybody whispered that they hadn’t dared to wear their M&S trainers for fear of being told off by me (I confess I was quietly gratified!).

I can see that strong connections are being built now and I’m so pleased. Mal said that I perhaps didn’t start the evening off on the most glamorous of notes when I told the story of mum-in-law’s funeral and the tribe of old ladies who came shuffling out of the crematorium with their walkers – but I meant it when I said I hope that will be us. I hope we’re building friendships here for the rest of our lives.

We said goodbye to Bristol and as we drove away I felt full of joy. Mal did too. He didn’t join in as such but he’s getting to know a lot of you now. That’s great for me because I spend a lot of time on this blog and now he understands why it matters so much to me. And I’m always grateful when I see that you’ve got the measure of his Geordie sense of humour… which can sometimes take people aback when they haven’t met him before!

Cos dress – SS23; M&S shoes SS17

So from Bristol we headed not North, but South. You see an old marketing friend of mine has recently moved to Panda London. If you don’t know Panda it’s a bedding company launched in 2015 with a mission to create a range of bedding that’s as good as Egyptian cotton and goose down but less harmful to animals and the environment. They found a solution in bamboo and invested in making the very best products. On top of the eco benefits, they discovered that bamboo is temperature regulating and so it keeps you cool in summer and warm in winter.

They sell directly to customers but they’re also being discovered by some of the best hotels in the UK and one of those is the highly esteemed Boringdon Hall in Devon. Panda have worked with them and British natural spa brand Gaia to develop a Gaia menopause break. They invited us along to try it out so let me tell you all about it.

Boringdon Hall is the most beautiful of historic houses, so old that it appears in the Domesday book. It was a friary until Henry VIII handed it to the Earl of Southampton after the Dissolution. Elizabeth I is said to have stayed there and it was certainly favoured by Sir Francis Drake. In fact in 1587 a banquet was held there to celebrate Drake’s raid on the Spanish fleet at Cadiz and all of the famous buccaneers attended, including Sir Walter Raleigh. So you can feel history pulsing around you as soon as you arrive.

We stayed in one of the most modern Wellness rooms which are up behind the old hall with a view for miles. The first part of the menopause retreat was a Gaia gift box with £280 of contents that included packs of Ancient & Brave’s collagen and biome powders along with other supplements, a Gaia sleep spray, a Panda bamboo sleep mask and discounts on nutrition support programmes. The room is equipped with yoga mats and wellbeing books as well as lots of different types of Gaia aromatherapy products for you to use while you’re there.

I was delighted to have a reason to dress up, I’ve decided that this life of being driven to hotels where I can wear all of my favourite dresses with heels is the one I was born to.

Karen Millen dress AW18; Boden velvet sandals AW08; Jigsaw clutch AW16

The Gaia menopause break includes dinner on both nights, the first at Boringdon’s Michelin starred restaurant Àclèaf. You sit up in the minstrels’ gallery looking down at the old hall where the Drake and Raleigh banquet would have been held. Dinner is a four course tasting menu with surprises served in between – this was the menu while we were there, you choose a dish from each row.

I had to smile when each course came out, so beautifully presented, because I always know that Mal’s panicking slightly inside at the size of the portions.

But with the surprise additions in between there was no need to worry about being hungry at the end of it. The combination of texture, flavour, aroma and even sound as you bit into each piece was phenomenal.

The chef is Scott Paton and he’s a genius. I loved the fact that he didn’t take it all too seriously and there were additions like this little puzzle to complete which dictated how they would prepare your dessert. The pieces you choose apparently tell the kitchen what balance of sweet, salt and spice you like.

And so we went to bed and had our first experience of Panda London bedlinen which truly does feel great on the skin because it’s silky and soft.

The next morning, after breakfast (cooked to order and not congealing in trays thank goodness), I was booked in for my 90 minute Gaia menopause treatment. It included a foot scrub and massage, followed by a back and shoulder massage, finishing off with a cooling, calming Jade facial. I think I’ve had fewer than five massages in my whole life so I’m not an expert but I was glad that it wasn’t just a gentle aromatherapy one. The masseuse worked properly on my muscles and the music and fragrances did manage to work on quieting my ever racing mind which is a feat.

From there we went into the main Gaia Spa. It’s adults only, so there’s none of the shrieking that ruins so many hotel pools and the indoor pool is deliberately kept at a warm 30 degrees which is right for a midlife body that is there to relax. There’s a hydrotherapy pool too where you can swim out through a flap into the garden and find yourself bobbing in warm water looking out at the Devon countryside.

The heat rooms run through the usual Finnish sauna, salt steam and experience showers but the laconium, the gentler herbal sauna, is the one I kept going back to because you can sit in it for ages without feeling as if you’re being cooked. There are hot tubs on the patio and hanging relaxation nests that you can curl up into like an overgrown child. It wasn’t too busy which was great, there were two other couples, a mother and daughter group as well as a few midlife friends making a day of it.

Swimsuit – an emergency bargain en route because I’d forgotten one!

And there was warm sunshine, for us it felt like summer.

We had to spend some time working in the afternoon but when it was over, there was a terrace with waiter service and a very welcome G&T.

Boden linen trousers SS22; M&S linen waistcoat SS22; Boden slingbacks and clutch SS19

We changed for dinner and my skin felt fresh and glowy. In the shower it struck me that we don’t do this kind of break very often any more. When the boys were little our whole aim was to get away and relax together like this. Now if we go away we always look for stimulation and high activity but sometimes it’s good just to kick back isn’t it?

Me+Em jumpsuit SS24

Dinner on the second night was in Boringdon’s Mayflower restaurant and I was expecting standard hotel food which I never enjoy. However it was exceptionally good. I’m about to dig into the creamiest burrata and basil oil starter here, followed by a Wagyu steak cottage pie and the most delicious crème brulée I’ve ever had (not a night for thinking about calories!).

And so that was it, sadly we had to head off early the following morning for our seven hour drive home. You always know that I’ll write an honest review and there’s only one small criticism that I’d make. We were there for a Sunday and Monday night and I wondered if perhaps they had a special offer on. You see there was a clear divide between guests. Most that we spoke to were clearly there for a special treat which is what a place like Boringdon Hall is for. A scattering of other couples/groups were a bit loud and obnoxious in the bar… shuffling around in their socks in the evening… one was wearing pyjamas for breakfast.

I might sound snooty when I say this but I think Boringdon Hall needs to introduce a dress code for the hotel and restaurant areas. I suppose that perhaps because you’re in robes in the spa, some people lose sight of dressing for the restaurants and bar but it matters for others who are there for an occasion. We heard one man mentioning it as he checked out (and then went to pack his bags into a convertible Aston Martin!). I don’t work in the hotel trade but I think expectations perhaps need to be raised at the point of booking for a place of this standard that features Michelin starred dining. Other than that it was such a lovely stay and I must mention the service which was really good. Somehow each staff member seemed to have a dry, English turn of wit which fitted the place really well. You can find details of the Gaia menopause break here.

Me+Em jumpsuit SS25

So (are you still with me, I told you it was a busy ten days) we unpacked the car, had one night back in our own bed and then packed up again ready for part two. We were heading into the wilds of Swaledale to meet up with my siblings and celebrate my sister and brother-in-law’s 80th birthdays. It’s ages since we’ve been together because my London brother and his family didn’t come up last Christmas so we had a lot to talk about. I don’t have many photos but this was as we arrived and you can see that my brother had found a very remote village – he was so happy to be away from the heat of London.

Summer sale bargain bouclé jumper (I have the matching cardigan as well and they’re both lovely – size down on the jumper); The best ‘out out’ heels; Me+Em jeans 2020; Jigsaw belt AW23

And this was a bleary-eyed breakfast the following morning with one brother and sister-in-law missing.

And with that we drove on to Newcastle. You’ll be relieved to know that once again I hardly have any photos. We spent Thursday and Friday working, this was Saturday when we were heading out for a funk and soul afternoon. We had a few hours of not having to think ahead of us, it was warm enough to go out without a coat… and all was well with the world.

Zara top AW25, Me+Em jeans SS24

On Sunday we had a mooch around the shops and some great Vietnamese street food. That evening was Martin Kemp’s 80s disco at the splendid Wylam Brewery and I usually avoid 80s nights because although the music is great, it’s mostly awful to dance to. This one is fun though, Martin Kemp has great charisma and he basically just puts a playlist on and gets everybody singing along at the top of their voices.

As I looked around Wylam’s grand hall it was like going back in time to the first year of university. Everybody there was a midlifer and we all knew the words to all of the songs, even though we probably hadn’t heard some of them since 1988.

You could see that people still swim in the same shoals as they did back then – the arts students with their slightly ironic affect, the engineers with ‘witty’ t-shirts and furrowed brows earnestly giving it their all, the medics and lawyers with an air of disinterest (even though you could tell they just wished they could let their hair down and join in), the linguists showing off to tracks like Bamboléo which they could sing in the original. We may all be in our 50s now but take us back to an 80s disco and we’re our 18 year-old selves again! (And yes, I’m now waiting for an engineer/medic/lawyer/artist to roast me in the comments… but NOT a linguist because I was one of those smarty pants ‘porque la vida no le puedes vivir así’ types)!

Monday, as you know, was a bank holiday and for ages we’d scheduled it as a reality check. We woke up in the full knowledge that we were ten days out from our trip to Colombia and we still hadn’t made a plan. So we sat in a pub and wrote list after list of things we need to do. It’s a lot – and while we were at it we discovered that we only have four weekends at home before the end of the year so we’ll continue to be rolling stones… wherever we lay our hats will be our home… (you can take a girl out of the 80s…).

On Tuesday I left Mal to finish packing up the flat while I headed south again, down to London for a meeting, a haircut and a chance to catch up with my eldest boy. We both travel around so much that I hadn’t seen him since Delia’s funeral and although he calls faithfully every Tuesday night for a good half hour chat, it isn’t the same as laying hands on him. You’ll know what I mean, that need to temperature-take in person because as their mum you can read them in an instant. He’s happy and the exciting news is that next week he’s moving in with his girlfriend which is a huge step but they’re clearly very good together. So it feels as though life is shifting on again – my precious firstborn is building a world of his own and it’s nice to think that I have a particularly lovely young woman coming into my life on what could/should be a permanent basis – I haven’t been able to feel that so confidently before.

There’s nothing like getting back to your own bed after a road trip staying in lots of different places and ours is now sumptuously decked out in the surprisingly affordable Panda London bamboo bedlinen. I like it so much more than the crisp cotton sheets we’ve always bought. Try it, you’ll find yourself wanting to roll around naked because it’s so soft on your skin although one plea to Panda – please start making kingsize pillowcases! There’s no risk because if you buy it directly from Panda London, it comes with a 30 night trial – you can find it here.

Panda London 100% bamboo bedding set

And last of all for today, on Thursday there was this, a photo I hadn’t expected to take again – another first day at a new school. The newly minted Mr Garnett, “call me sir” (how we laughed when he tried that at the dinner table!). He was heading off at the crack of dawn to get his classroom ready for his form of nervous new Year Sevens. It almost feels as if he’s the biggest grown-up in the family and we’re all slightly bamboozled by it. He’s going to have his work cut out because it’s a challenging school – but I’m so very proud of him.

2007

2014

2026

So that’s more than enough for today. I’m relieved to be home again, albeit briefly because we’re heading out to Colombia on Wednesday. There will be a post here next Friday (11th September) then don’t forget that after that, I’m going to trial Substack until the beginning of October so all posts will be over there for a while. If you’d like to read them it’s free to subscribe here – make sure you click ‘subscribe’ not ‘follow’ if you want to receive my posts (at no cost) into your inbox. If you just click follow you may see them pop up when you’re browsing through Substack but they won’t come directly to you. When I come back from Colombia I’ll decide whether to stay on Substack or not – my instinct at the moment is that I’ll come back to the blog. Either way, thank you for still being here. Have a lovely weekend and I’ll see you here next Friday.

Disclosure: ‘Tour d’Angleterre – Midlife Lately’ is not a sponsored post

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