As I start writing I’m not sure where I’m going with this post today so bear with me. I find myself running at a frantic pace again, it’s been going on for a long time now and my nervous system is already hitting overload at a point in the year when it should be just emerging from a period of winter rest. And it’s just how things seem to be for so many midlife couples I know right now. For us it’s fundamentally because we’re juggling work in a difficult economic climate with mum-in-law and our Newcastle lives. I have this blog and my tendency to keep adding things to it such as retreats and trips because I enjoy them so much but I forget the amount of work it takes to get there. We’ve spent so much time travelling since lockdown that our 300 year-old house is screaming for attention and we have some time long-planned time with all three boys fast approaching that I’ve been so looking forward to and yet sitting at my desk today, I can’t see how I’m going to be able to take Easter off to be with them.
I’m well aware that my pressures are all first world ones, I’m not in a war zone and so I have nothing to complain about. And yet this year I promised myself that I’d deliberately keep one of the top five regrets of the dying at the top of my mind:
“I wish I’d allowed myself to enjoy it all more”
It’s telling that this comes up so often that the palliative care worker Bronnie Ware has made a point of giving the living the chance to avert it. As a 3am worrier it makes sense to me. I know that I cloud so much of my life with catastrophic thinking, imagining the worst that might happen and putting constant pressure on myself to do more to avoid imaginary crises. Already I can look back at the last 20 years and wish that I’d just relaxed and gone with the flow more. It’s the whole thing about giving yourself time to smell the roses isn’t it? And yet… this is the other side of my thinking and the urge that means I pack my diary with more and more until I’m exhausted…
What if the last thought you have when your life comes to an end is that you didn’t do enough living while you could?
And therein lies my current conundrum – I’m so conscious of the second of those questions that I’m doing enough living for about three tandem lives at the moment and I have been for a while. However packing so much in means I don’t give myself the opportunity to do the stepping back that is required to truly enjoy it all. I wonder if any of you are feeling the same way.
The relentless perma-crisis that as midlifers we’ve all been living through not just since 2020 but actually since 2008 doesn’t help. I think we all wonder when the world will ever feel dull and predictable again. It’s unsettling for everyone and I hate the fact that for my boys, endless grim headlines are just what they’ve come to expect – a fresh hell every day. They just don’t imagine that global news can ever be good. From the midlife perspective, a lot of the 50 -70 year olds that I know who are yet to retire feel as if the finish line is turning into a mirage. So many of our friends are being forced to change their plans and dreams right now.
And underneath all of that we have an awareness that time is ticking away, it’s like a big game of Quidditch with the go-go years being the Golden Snitch –
“the most important ball of the lot. It’s very hard to catch because it’s so fast and difficult to see.”
So I’m relieved that I’ll be working on the March Midlifechic Retreat over the next week. I didn’t have much time to talk about the last one and the deep dive that 20 of us took into our lives and our futures. There was deep comfort there. As a group we encouraged each other to dream and to think expansively… then helped each other to find solutions to midlife issues that we found were largely common to us all. It was helpful that there were women of different stages and ages so it was a bit like linking hands and leading each other out into the light… which is starting to sound a bit woo woo but you had to be there. Honestly, there were tears when it ended, it was powerful.
I think the special thing about it was being surrounded by other ‘thinking women.’ We all have friends that we’ve gathered throughout our lives. Some are thinking types, others aren’t but they all come with context and history and sometimes you just need somebody new to see you afresh with your potential unclouded. It’s very rare to get 20 women with big hearts, big minds and big experience in one room in the mindset to share and trust and give. But that’s what happened.
So I’m very much looking forward to doing it all again with a whole new group of people next weekend. And today I’m pleased to be launching the third and final Midlifechic Retreat. I’m working on new plans for 2027, I want to try a different kind of experience with some of you so watch this space, I hope to come back soon on that one. In the meantime our October Midlifechic Retreat will take place in a new venue which unfortunately demands a 50% deposit up front by the end of March. That means that if I haven’t had enough bookings by then I’ll have to cancel it and the people who have made a downpayment will be fully refunded.
So what happens on a Midlifechic Retreat?
The whole point is to get you thinking about your future, your Fulfilment Era, and what you want to get out of it. It isn’t just about retirement although we do talk about that, it’s about relationships, friendships, activity, starting new things, confidence and a new way of thinking. It’s about coming to terms with your 80 year-old self and listening ahead to make sure that she won’t be disappointed when you get to her. And it’s about friendship, it’s about being with a group of wise midlife women who don’t judge and just want everybody else there to get the most out of their lives. One of the things I loved most about our last group was that there were no cliques, everybody moved around all of the time and made the most of the opportunity to talk to women who were completely different to them – but with a common mindset.
We start with a glass of fizz on the Friday evening and we have a gentle but quite moving way of getting everybody to connect. It felt like a risk when Sharon and I planned it but it worked a treat and in the space of just over an hour I think we’d all lowered our barriers to become friends. We chat over a buffet dinner and anyone who feels like it can enjoy another glass of wine or two… or head off to bed if it’s been a long journey.
On Saturday we have breakfast together before heading to our own private space. For the rest of the day, Sharon and I take you through a mixture of talks, coaching sessions, group work, solo time with your guided workbooks and a creative exercise. This time around we’ve even incorporated the hotel’s happy hour into the schedule (thanks to feedback from the last group!)
Then we have a couple of hours spare before meeting for dinner in the evening. Some people took the time to go out for a walk by the sea, others relaxed in their rooms and more than I expected found themselves meeting in the bar for a pre-dinner drink. We have most of the hotel to ourselves so it’s easy to bump into someone if you feel like a bit of company.
Dinner is held at one long table and Sharon and I try to keep moving so that we can chat to as many people as possible. We have coffee and petit fours in the library before bed – because most people are shattered by this stage.
After breakfast on Sunday we have another mix of talks and exercises, we end with lunch and before you know it, it’s time to go home – and most people didn’t want to. We all had that feeling of being in a bubble with women we really liked and felt quite close to; after so many confidences shared it was hard to leave.
This is why I’m keen to move things on next year, because I think people would like to meet up again and do something else, it feels as if we’re making powerful connections. I had so many lovely emails after the last event (and I’m sorry that I haven’t yet replied to them all – Mexico and everything else came at me with a rush) but here’s a little extract from one which made absolute sense to me – and made my heart smile.
“I honestly can’t express how empowered I felt walking away from that weekend. That surprised me. Something inside made me press yes when I saw the weekend advertised, however as time wore on I was thinking – What am I doing? Why am I going? Do I really want to spend a weekend with 20 people I don’t know? Outside of my comfort zone? Yet I left on a high, determined that I need to make the difference in my life myself and not wait for change to come to me. The best weekend ever!!! Huge thank you from me 🙂 xxx”
You can find all of the details on the location, price and what’s included on the October Midlifechic Retreat page here. Please do book soon if you’d like to come along, I won’t be able to expose myself to the new hotel’s requirement of 50% up front so if there isn’t enough commitment by the end of March, I’ll be sadly refunding those who have booked so far.
March Midlife Lately
In the meantime, here's a quick Midlife Lately from the end of last week when I got back into the habit of taking photos of everyday life.
Wednesday
Leaving the West Coast with a very early start to get to meetings in London, it was cold but I'm so sick of coats that I was determined to wear a jacket instead with layers underneath. I have these trainers in so many colours because I love the slim profile and they're unbelievably comfortable for days like this when I walk long distances. This silver version which is the one I wear most has just gone into the sale.
Boden jacket (AW24); Finery flared trousers (AW16); Mango jumper (AW22); Silver trainers now in the sale
I managed to squeeze in a haircut and soul soothing session with my main man Premlee…
… and he took a picture of the back for those of you who often ask
… and then I had to race over to Kings Cross to get back up the other side of the country in time for dinner in Newcastle at 6pm with Sunday Riley. It was good to learn about a brand I didn't really know that's expanding fast, it's led by a midlife woman in the US but available here at Space NK and Liberty. We ate at Khai Khai, Newcastle's renowned Indian Smoke House – much loved by Gordon Ramsay.
I now have a few products lined up to test but the one that's showing immediate results is CEO Glow which I was advised to apply before foundation. It's the top selling face oil in both the UK and the US, I used it over the weekend when I was going out and it really does enhance glow. It's almost always sold out everywhere but it's just been restocked here.
Midlife Lately Thursday
Thursday was a day of work – we based ourselves in The Glasshouse (formerly The Sage) which is a fantastic working environment. Deep thoughts clearly going on here!
M&S cashmere jumper (AW24)
And then it was a rush to get changed (I think you can just about see the added glow from the CEO Glow in these next few pictures)…
Jigsaw coat (AW18); Boden boots (AW24); Jigsaw bag (AW25)
…and dash up into town for another dinner, this time at Fenwick…
Cos dress (SS23); Boden boots (AW24); Jigsaw bag (AW25)
… with jewellery brand Orelia. More often than not I say no to this kind of thing but I was intrigued to see who would be there. Angela on my left handles Orelia's PR and she used to do exactly the same job as I did at Selfridges but at Harvey Nichols so we had loads of retail memories to reminisce about. And I loved Elise to her left who is definitely one of us. She's a midlife interiors Instagrammer with a big following and a busy corporate day job AND a young family (I don't know how she does it) plus a wicked sense of humour. You'll find her @makemyhomepretty.
Midlife Lately Friday
By Friday my battery was running low but I had another day of work, this time at the Baltic Gallery (forgot to take a photo). Then that evening we had a disco event to go to at Wylam Brewery which was a great way to free my head from a busy week. It was bitterly cold outside and we had to walk through a big park to get there, hence the layers…
Boden jacket (AW24); Me+Em jeans (SS24); Zara satin top (SS23); Silver trainers now in the sale
… it was a great evening and I had the strangest experience. At the end we were in a long queue for the cloakroom so I started chatting to a couple of very chic midlife women who were in front of me. It was taking ages so we decided to sit down with our drinks and wait for the rush to die down. Of course we got on to the usual question of where do you come from and I started explaining that it was a tiny village between Lancaster and Kendal… to which one of them piped up, "oh which village? I went to school in Lancaster." It turned out that she was in the year below me and in the sixth form we went out with boys who were two best friends… we just hadn't recognised each other. It was one of those moments that both shakes and delights you.
Midlife Lately Saturday
And then here's Saturday. I woke up thinking that we wouldn't go out dancing but was persuaded otherwise…
Never Fully Dressed Jacket (AW25); Me+Em jeans (SS24); Zara satin top (AW25); Silver trainers now in the sale
One thing before I go, I was going to include this in next week's post because it was worth it at full price but I spotted it going into clearance at 50% off. All of the products have been donated by the brands so 100% of the proceeds go to the Look Good Feel Better charity – it's such a shame it hasn't sold. Anyway an absolute bargain for you – well worth it for a great cause. I bought an extra one because they make a great gift for a friend.
So that was last week's Midlife Lately. We arrived home on Sunday to a lovely Mother's Day dinner made by the youngest and cards from all three of them which is all I ask for – a card with a few thoughts inside. Before I knew it I was headlong into another Monday so now I must get on with all of the detail that needs to be completed for next week's retreat. Enjoy the sunshine this weekend. While everyone else is still shuffling around in grey and beige you'll be glad that I pushed you forward with spring outfit thinking!
