I'd hoped to write a Midlife Lately today because I haven't had a chance to do one since the end of October and there's such a lot for us to talk about but I've run out of time so we'll just have to have a big one in January. Instead I'm going to end the year by pondering over how to make a memorable Christmas. What is it that makes some Christmases stand out with a particularly warm glow when you look back at them?
I've been digging down deep for festive sparkle over the last few weeks because it's been a funny old build-up to Christmas this year. On one front it's been a drag working in a world of retail that's been leading with endless discount messages. It's made me wonder if I've had my day in retail; in the drive to sell sell sell the industry has forgotten about creating Christmas magic and it's a skill that's no longer valued. The role of sourcing and presenting special gift ideas that will delight customers has been lost, instead data driven teams just keep on flogging the same old stuff at an ever decreasing price – and then putting all of the blame on external factors for their Christmas numbers going down.
As you've probably gathered, in terms of writing Midlifechic this grabby ethos has made me rebel this year and instead I've tried to get back to the nub of what matters. I think all of us here know that you won't find the essence of Christmas under the tree or on the table or even in a glass. You find it with the people who matter, enjoying what you already have. So today's post is going to run a little along those lines because as always, it's a reflection of what's been on my mind and this year that has been memories of Christmases past. I've already included some of Mal's as an illustration of how very simple a happy Christmas can be, today I want to add a few of mine along the way and I'm annoyed because I can't find the good photos that I want to use, they'll be in a box somewhere. All I have are the album rejects that my mum still kept and they have her handwritten notes on the back which have been quite moving to read.
How To Make A Memorable Christmas
Today is the day that Christmas joy will really start for me. I now have two boys at home and we're picking the middle one up at the airport this evening. Tonight I will fall asleep knowing that the people I love most in the world are all with me, under one roof. And that, in itself, is enough.
Waiting for them all to come home has given the Christmas build-up a completely different feeling this year. The anticipation has almost been like being a child again, knowing that something wonderful is coming but not being able to quite get hold of it because it's still felt so far off. Even though we have the youngest at home, his teacher training days are long and by the time he gets home he's shattered. This is how I found him when I went to tell him that dinner was ready this week. It was only 6.30pm on Monday and this term he's been at his nice starter school – in January he moves on to the challenging one!
Seeing him like that made me think about my mum who was also a teacher. She taught the infant class in our village primary school which covered ages 4-7.
Me with my mum at school
I know I've often mentioned how very dedicated she was to her work. She was a perfectionist, I still have boxes of photos of the incredible wall displays she used to put on all year round and the Christmas ones were the most beautiful. I so often resented her dedication because it meant I had to stay behind late at school too, just waiting for her to finish and I'd miss all the TV programmes that everyone would be talking about the next day. When we got home she'd start working again, she had marking to do and lessons to plan so she'd shut herself away to get it all done. I often felt alone but I can see now that it made me who I am. I was very able to entertain myself… and I had a crazy reading age because there was nothing else to do while I was waiting around at night. I remember that when I joined the juniors the head had to do a special book order for me because I'd read everything on the shelves. And my family joke about how they'd find me in a corner reading the telephone directory – but it was the same at home, I'd read everything else so if they didn't take me to the library I had to improvise!
Anyway by the time Christmas came, my mum was always shattered. And yet… and yet… Christmas still happened. It still felt magical… and that was all down to her. Even though I adored my dad he wasn't a Christmas or birthday person, always insisting that it was just another day so my mum did it all. I saw this on social last week – just look at the number of likes it has and the re-shares – it's struck a chord with people all around the world. And if you reach a point this Christmas where you feel all of your effort is going unseen, just read the comments. That's where you'll see that what you do is valued – sooner or later.
Christmas often feels stressful now because media images of perfection raise expectations sky high. But let's think back to the very manual, offline Christmases that our mums gave us. We think they were simpler but imagine just how huge the task of Christmas shopping must have been. They had to go out through the crowds and buy everything in the shops and I remember when there were no supermarkets – the food shop alone must have been a military operation. And just think, apart from the ads on TV there were very few sources for ideas so not only were they battling with the crush but they had to think hard about what people might want while they were there. Every year we used to have a big Christmas shopping day in what felt like the metropolis of Blackpool. My dad would keep me entertained while my mum was busy and we'd end by meeting at the big department store Binns where we'd queue to see Santa. These photos make me smile – I was clearly less keen on him as the years went on.
1973
1974
1975!
There were so many Christmas cards for my mum to write, always with a letter inside – I now only send two of those and they feel like a big deal on my to-do list. Things were made from scratch, now we see 'stir-up Sunday' as a bit of fun but I remember my mum steeping the puddings in brandy and making the cake as well as the stuffing, bread sauce, cumberland sauce, damson gin, brandy butter… there was nothing nice to buy off the shelf.
Decorating the cake – 1972
It was so much on top of a full time job and yet I never once remember my mum complaining about Christmas. I know she was always up until the early hours prepping it all every night in the week before Christmas. My bedroom was above the kitchen and I'd fall asleep excitedly to the clatter of pots and pans. And in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve the smell of the slow cooking turkey would creep under my door and I've always hated turkey so it was never a good thing but now if I catch a whiff it takes me back there.
My mum always helped me to put a pair of my woolly tights on the handle of my bedroom door on Christmas Eve along with a very polite letter, carrots and sherry. She taught me to be more optimistic than just going in with a sock! And I bet you can still feel the moment on Christmas morning when you found your stocking and the magic shivered through you, it was just the thought that Father Christmas had actually remembered you as well as all of the other boys and girls in the world.
Christmas Eve 1977
You can just about see the bounty of 1973 here – my big present was a Katie Kopycat who sat at her desk opposite you and copied your stories as you wrote them. I can see a Spirograph set, a colouring book, a bouncy ball, a Mousie Mousie game (which we still play now), sweets, a pomegranate, an orange and two apples. (And my mum's note on the back of this photo says, "Nikki with her toys 1973 – note my piano – and the Ercol 1963 – 2003!" She loved her Ercol table and chairs which had to go when they downsized in 2003, although Mal rescued the chairs so we'll still have Christmas with them this year).
Christmas Day 1973
The little bits and pieces in the stocking were the most exciting presents weren't they because they felt as if they'd come from far, far away. My mum told us that Father Christmas would always come as long as we were home and so here I am in 1988, back from uni with my (much bigger) tights stuffed with gifts. And they're almost camouflaged against my black and white skirt but you can just see the most exciting Christmas present of all that year – two kittens running up and down my legs.
Christmas Day 1988
My poor, tired mum was Christmas. Every bit of it was down to her and looking back I see how much we took it all for granted. And do you know what I feel bad about? Her one self-indulgence would be to slip away after our Christmas Dinner for a nap and I used to beg her not to go, telling her that Christmas would be ruined. How she must have needed it – I'm now so glad she always stood her ground.
Because it didn't ruin it, my memories of Christmas are all happy ones. The presents were thoughtful and the food was fabulous but the very best thing about it was that everyone was together at home. And that's where my Christmas will begin tonight.
We have a weekend of being just the five of us and then Mal will go over to collect his mum who's coming to us this year. We're all on high alert because her mobility isn't good and our house is old with lots of stairs and uneven floors so our preparations have almost been like the toddler proofing days. And I'm bracing myself personally because it's like having Goldilocks as a house guest – whatever I come up with will be too hard/too soft/too sweet/ too salty/ too hot/too cold… But I'll nod and smile because I know that as soon as she gets home my sisters-in-law will tell me that she's instructed then to pull their ideas up… that she had the best Christmas ever… and so it goes on for us all, every year.
When m-i-l leaves we have a few gatherings of family and friends but no girlfriends in the mix until New Year's Eve and so it's been easy to plan this year. I have an intuition that this will be the very last time that I have just the five of us together at home for a stretch like this so I'm going to revel in the relaxed comfort of doing it all as we always have.
Christmas Eve 2024, waiting for the the panto doors to open
I think we all know here that mums make Christmas – even more so if they can go elbow deep into the fun on top of all of the prep. My relationship with my mum wasn't always easy but every Christmas she put aside the stress and exhaustion that I know she often felt and made it as good as she possibly could for us all. And that's the thing about Christmas. It isn't about perfection, it isn't about presents, it isn't about creatively dressed tables and trees or spectacular meals. When I look back I know that at Christmas I always felt loved and treasured because my family was fully together. For once nobody was busy and everybody had fun.
So I think what I'm saying this year is let's have a moment on Christmas Day where we have a quiet little toast to our Christmases past and the women who did what they could to make them memorable for us. And on that note I'm just going to add this lovely photo of my grandma so joyfully opening a present in 1980 as well.
Christmas Day 1980
I'm sure that gift wasn't as exciting as it looked but my grandma chose to be delighted. And Christmas is an attitude. Whatever your Christmas holds, whether you're just two people together or part of a huge family gang, put on the comfortable dress, the one that lets you loosen your belt – and I mean that both literally and metaphorically. Let perfection go and give your best self space to rise to the top. Choose joy – that's how to make a memorable Christmas.
The most important thing to hold in your mind is that happy memories are forged by the way you make people feel when they're with you. So let anything that goes wrong (and Goldilocks comments!) flow over you. You may just be creating memories that will still be in the heads of the people you love 50 years from now – just as mine are today.
Time with your people is precious.
Make it count.
A note to January Midlifechic Retreat Attendees
I have my mum's teacher voice on here. I sent you an email yesterday with all of the retreat details and HOMEWORK! I thought family get togethers and quiet Twixmas days would be a really good time for you to start thinking about what you want from the years ahead. Please look through it if you can find a moment.
Sale bargains not to be missed
The sales are starting now and I just want to give a quick mention to two that are too good to miss. Firstly Me+Em – for everyone who has said they'd love a pair of the flared jeans that you see me wearing all of the time, they're now in clearance here which means that if you have to pay to have them shortened, it won't hurt as much. Stock is low as I type but there will be returns because you need to buy an inch smaller than you think you need (Me + Em do vanity sizing).
There are also some really great reductions on last summer's stock in particular. They've mixed the current season with past seasons so keep scrolling down to the bottom of the sale listing because there are hidden gems. Start here.
This jumpsuit has 30% off
Denim jumpsuit 30% off
This dress has 50% off
Crepe dress – 50% off
And this cashmere jumper/ballet wrap cardigan has 50% off
Pure cashmere ballet wrap cardigan with integrated vest
Boden has gone straight in at 50% off on some really lovely things. They include the brushed cotton pyjamas I showed you last week which are now such a great winter buy at 50% off
Brushed cotton pyjamas – 50% off
… and the pink velvet top I featured as an easy winter dressing option.
The plum coloured glossy, faux leather car coat with 40% off – such a great way to funk up a simple midlife outfit.
Remember this black lace blouse – now 40% off
These velvet trousers have 30% off
The beautiful 'glass of port' skirt has 40% off and the cashmere jumper has 20% off
And last week's tulle dress has 40% off
Looking at summer, a lot of the clothing and especially swimwear has 70% off. Honestly don't miss the swimwear, there are some amazing 70% off bargains – you'll find them all here. If you need a really good black bikini with a cup sized top this is heavily reduced with the bottoms 70% off and the top 30% off.
These 'work with everything' suede ballet flats have 50% off
50% off this dress that I wore and wore and wore last summer
This beach dress which is so perfect for a British summer has 60% off
Over and out for 2025
And so that’s it from me for another year, I’ll be back again in January. I hope you make a memorable Christmas in your own way, however low key it may be. Every year over Christmas dinner my grandma used to say, “I wonder if we’ll all still be here next year,” and we used to roll our eyes… but there came the time that she wasn’t. So let’s not take it for granted.
I want to end by thanking you for being here, reading this, now. To every one of you who’s stopped me in the street or sent me an email or commented on here and on Instagram, or come to one of our get togethers or even just sat at home reading quietly – THANK YOU. May we have many more Christmases together, even if they are virtual.
In the meantime, eat, drink and be merry – and wear the comfortable dress!
