Let’s get this midlife party started

As is the way these days the Halloween decorations went down last weekend and the Christmas ones started going up – not in my house but in a lot of others that I spotted when I was driving to Sainsbury’s! So, I’m easing you in gently today with one of my favourite topics – party style – or just getting dressed for going ‘out out’. I’ve been writing a version of this piece in early November since 1993 and there’s been a fascinating adjustment along the way. Christmas parties have changed… the way people dress for them has changed… I’ve changed… all of which is good because if it had stayed constant I wouldn’t enjoy it as much as I do. I also have all of the feedback that you’ve given me over the years in my head, the questions, the quandaries and the quirks of lifestyle which mean that by midlife we’re usually looking for a more wearable version of Christmas chic than we used to – and one that we can wear for going ‘out out’ all year round. So as always, before getting into the detail of what’s in the shops, let’s get this midlife party started by thinking a little more about the practicalities.

As I said, getting dressed up has changed a lot since we all started to do it in our 20s. And we've changed too so there are pitfalls to avoid. In short the key to dressing to go out is having a little element of disruption in your outfit… but the the balance needs to be right. So let's start with an objective look at some of the ways that the balance can tip over – but as always you can take it with a pinch of salt. Wear what you love – you do you.

1. Going over the top

The word we're trying to avoid here is the GenZ term – 'thirsty.' It refers to the person who's trying too hard and ends up looking a little too eager for attention. Unless it's fancy dress (thank goodness for disco) it's better to avoid dressing head to toe in sparkle… sequins or metallics for example. Let's take this outfit which is sure to be a bestseller. It's one of those that looks great on the ubercool model but worn to a lunch in mid-December it'll be too much. The key here is almost the inverse of Coco Chanel's advice to take one thing off before leaving the house. Instead it's about only putting one thing on when it comes to sparkly clothing and then dressing the rest of the outfit down. So you could wear the jacket with a white t-shirt and jeans and look very French. Or you could wear the trousers with a chunky jumper. If you want to add a little more then save it for your accessories – party shoes or boots or earrings…

2. Going too formal

Without meaning to offend anyone who plays golf because I'm sure you play for the coolest clubs, you want to avoid 'golf do' dressing. It's very difficult to pull any kind of formal party clothing off once you hit 40, you just end up looking too Dynasty. In midlife it's better to be a little deshabillée.

3. Being too covered up

(This one obviously doesn't apply if your faith requires you to dress modestly). The long sleeved, round-necked dress worn with opaque tights and boots isn't the most dazzling option for a party. Allure comes with a glimpse of natural skin… be it a V or scoop neck, a 3/4 sleeve, a bare ankle – or even just some translucency so that you can see the shape of your arm through a sleeve or a hint of skin beneath lace. The outfit is too heavy and serious otherwise…

…and this is where you have to be careful with party tops worn with trousers, you need to work in a little allure even if you just roll your sleeves up.

So having looked at the pitfalls, how do you work out what’s right? The thing about party dressing is that it’s such a fun thing to shop for that there’s a risk of buying a one-wear wonder. I have at least six party dresses hanging in my wardrobe that have only been worn once because they come from the days when we used to go to lots of black tie events with the same circle of people and so I felt I had to wear something different each time. Since lockdown that’s completely changed. Even though we still go ‘out out’ at least once a fortnight it’s much more casual now. I haven’t been to a single black tie event since 2019 and there’s nothing I miss about them – other than the chance to wear a nice frock. Beyond that they were just evenings of pleasantries and they were hard work. Mind you looking at the investment that brands like Me+Em have put into black tie outfitting this year there’s clearly still a market for it.

I know from feedback over the last few years that most of you are are the same as me. We’re looking for jeans and a nice top most of the time in a look that isn’t too Christmassy so that it can be worn all year round. At a push you might stretch to trousers or maybe a skirt but as soon as you start getting into dress territory it becomes risky because festive dresses tend to be season specific. And I’m always questioned about choosing jeans over trousers here but I maintain that jeans are always more youthful and there’s never an age where you should stop wearing them. Do you remember the Amazon Christmas ad a couple of years ago where the three older ladies went sledging? Watch it here and note how they’ve subtly styled the more adventurous one to appear more youthful than the other two. She’s a similar age but she’s wearing make-up and contact lenses (may have had laser eye surgery), she has a cooler hat, she stands up straight and… she’s wearing jeans. It’s so cleverly done and it tells you everything about how being an older woman with a curious mind helps you to stay young.

Ah it always makes my heart thump – we need more examples of positive ageing like that on our screens… but I digress…

Your party look should represent how you feel

I think it’s always worth looking to your style icon when you’re hoping for a refresh and your night out icon might be different to the one you favour for daytime dressing. Depending on the type of parties or events you go to, when night falls a different side of you might emerge. Without the daytime constraints of work or practicalities you’re hopefully dressing for the most relaxed and fun version of yourself so let your true spirit animal shine through. My ‘out out’ style icon is 61 year-old Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu who plays Sylvie in Emily in Paris. She understands the architecture of her body and she expresses her sensuality through her clothes. She’s the very definition of an older woman with chutzpah.

Chutzpah is the thing that I see a lot of women let go in midlife, instead they settle for ‘pleasant’ or ‘nice enough’ because they feel they shouldn’t take up space. However I’m going to argue that this is the time when you can dial your style up rather than down if you choose to. It’s a mistake to let chutzpah go because it impacts the way you feel about yourself. And when I say chutzpah I’m not talking about any of the adjectives I avoid – like feminine… girly… pretty, leave that to the 20-somethings (see the example in Emily’s girly outfit above versus Sylvie’s). We’re here to embrace our womanliness – we’ve earned it, we’re fabulous beings and we should let our years shine through. And on that note I have to give you another bit of video. I first watched this when I was ten years old and it’s stayed with me forever – this is chutzpah… not on a Parisian level perhaps… but every woman has it in her!

Being womanly means not being afraid to be seen in all your bountiful glory – not hiding behind big sleeves and buttoned-up collars and baggy bottoms. But the party only really gets started if you have a glint in your eye – and you only have a glint in your eye if there’s something that’s making you feel slightly mischievous. That’s so easily achieved with your outfit.

The great thing about being older when you’re dressing to go out is that you can be braver and show that you’re in touch with your sensuality in a way that you couldn’t when you were younger without inviting unwanted attention. And on a side note isn’t it awful that you’re seen as prey in your fertile years, that so often people feel they can be either insulting or lewd? I’m delighted not to get that kind of attention any more.

Anyway as you’ve seen above, Sylvie’s always elegantly dressed but with one sassy element that might include:

• an extra button undone
• sheerness that shows her skin through lace or voile
• a jacket with just the hint of a bra showing underneath
• or no bra
• sleeveless tops
• halternecks
• metallics
• bright colours
• a short skirt
• a fabulous shoe
• often a tightlined eye or a glossy lip
• and always hair that’s slightly ruffled

For me these are the very best rules to follow when it comes to party dressing but to avoid ‘thirsty’ I only apply one or two. All you have to do is assess which ones work with your personal style and architecture.

Ok so hopefully that’s given you a little something to think about. Let’s get back to the topic of what’s in the shops and specifically a ‘nice top and jeans/trousers’. The problem is that great tops to wear with jeans are very hard to find. There’s almost always a detail that lets them down. The thing to remember is that because parties are almost always at nighttime it’s easy to fade into the background – you need a bright colour or a metallic or some shine so that you don’t get lost in a corner. And don’t forget the cardinal rule of always having a hint of skin somewhere – either with an open neck or a sleeveless top or by rolling your sleeves up or wearing something with a little transparency.

Best party tops

So here’s my round-up of the best ‘out out’ tops that have been released so far. Some stores are being a bit slower with their festive drops so I’ll add new finds into posts over the weeks to come.

A note on sequins – we all know they’re great for parties but extremely bad for the environment in terms of their biodegradability so buy with care and wear for seasons to come.

Top to bottom, L-R

• Fluted sleeve sequin top – this stands out from the many that are around because it has an elegant boat neckline, fluted sleeves that will drape beautifully when you’re holding a glass and it’s in deep chocolate brown rather than black so softer on most skintones
• Red satin scarf top – as you can imagine I have my eye on this, I find satin tops work hard for me all year round and a raised collar like this is kind to a deteriorating neck plus, being sleeveless it helps you not to overheat in a crowded room
• Pussy bow blouse – if you prefer to be more covered this is great because it has an elasticated cuff so you can position your sleeves at the best point of your lower arm. I’d wear the tie-neck undone or tied lower like a school tie rather than a bow so that the neck can be slightly unbuttoned. This is a soft pink but it’s also available in pine green.
• Short sleeved gold top – if you prefer a shorter sleeve this will work for you, it’s a half sleeve (not 3/4 as advertised) but the cuff is elasticated so you can adjust it to sit at the right point
• Ivory sequin top – this is the one I bought as soon as I saw it. I haven’t bought sequins for years now but I couldn’t resist these because they’re matte and the cut works perfectly with the Me+Em jeans that I wear almost every weekend. It’s just beautiful.

A selection of less Christmassy colours here. If you’re keen to nod to trend with an updated top, these are the shades to think about.

• Copper lurex top – this doesn’t look much on the hanger but it will skim the body beautifully and it has subtle sparkle. It’s the sort of thing you could wear under a jacket for work and then reveal later – once again the sleeves are fluted so will work well with your champagne glass (also available in silver/grey)
• Faux fur jacket – I’ve added this because my fur jackets work so hard for me at this time of year. They’re robust so I don’t have to worry about them hanging on the back of a chair and they mean I can wear a sleeveless top without freezing on my way home. I was drenched by a sudden shower a couple of weeks ago and my jacket just wiped dry when I got home. Once again they don’t degrade well so buy with thought and care. Higher cropped option here.
• Citrine lace top – one of the easiest ways to achieve standout is to wear an unusual colour like this limey citrine in lined lace with a great cut on the shoulders that won’t make your arms look bulky.
• Plush velvet top – there’s such a beautiful, asymmetric drape at the waistline on this high quality cotton velvet top that it’s great for concealing any spillage at the waistband
• Trimmed top – a short sleeved knit trimmed with beading and a very clever feather detail at the bottom to conceal your midriff – a great Snow Queen look

And the last of my selection of tops

• Embellished cardigan – one of my favourite cardigans of the season has been released in a Christmas version and if you’re quick, it has 20% off. This is cropped with ties that make it look so much cooler than your average buttoned cardi. It’s a very warm knit so great for wearing over something slinky – if you’re not a fan of cropped lengths use it over something longer to bring your outfit up to date
• Soft pink knit – if you prefer pastel colours it can be difficult to find the right top at this time of year. This short sleeved jumper is covered in sequins and it’s also available in ivory
• Feather sleeve top – great for wearing with high waisted jeans – you won’t have any tucking in bulk with this one and the cheeky crop balances out the coverage of the long sleeves and high neck. The feathers add a beautiful eye-level detail when you’re holding a glass
• Navy deep ruffle blouse – ah navy, it looks so chic worn with jeans and yet it’s so hard to find in a party top. This has a subtle sheen and the pintuck detail adds shape – also available in deep green and both tick off the pirate trend
• Metallic silver tee – I’ve bought this although more for summer festivals than Christmas. I’ve been looking for a metallic tee for ages for those festivals when the weather isn’t as warm as you hoped and you want to cover the top of your arms to keep warm. Of course it works as a low key top at this time of year too. As always the sizing was crazy and I ended up keeping the XS

Best party bottoms

Some people prefer to keep the party element to their lower half so I’m going to start with a selection of jazzy bottoms and then move on to party jeans.

• Gold pleated skirt – this is so easy, just add a soft jumper and boots and you’re done, metallic skirts also look lovely with white t-shirts in summer sunshine.
• Gold patch pocket flares – I’ve ordered these to try because I have something special next week and I know I’d wear them lots for dancing, I just hope the fit is good. They have my favourite patch pockets so they’ll be hip narrowing with a top tucked in – fingers crossed
• Silver metallic skirt – another easy metallic option that will go with so many things in your wardrobe, the flare at the hem makes it a little bit different too
• Wide lurex palazzos – as easy to wear as pyjamas but with a touch of sparkle for laidback Christmas days
• Fluid velvet palazzos – all of the fashion mags are featuring these, another relaxed glamour option in a choice of chocolate brown or black, available in various leg lengths – and they’re machine washable

Jeans this season are all about embellishment – crystals, studs… they’re designed to catch the light and give you a rock chick moment

• Straight leg jeans with studs – let your inner wild child out, cut with a sleek straight leg and studded at the front only so you can still sit down!
• Draped red trousers – oh I love these with their rippling scarf down the side that adds fluidity to your movement, imagine how great they’d look if you were dancing
• Seam studded jeans – for something a little more subtle, these have studs down the side seam of the legs so they’ll catch the light and nod to the trend
• Wide leg jeans with rhinestones – these just dropped this week but have almost sold out – they’re fabulous though if you’re lucky

Thank you to everyone who supported Claudia and ordered last weekend, the Midlifechic 'made to order' requisition is now closed. There were a few requests for the larger bangle that is being made bespoke for Midlifechic readers so Claudia has ordered two extras. If you'd like one of them you need to contact Bree at info@claudiabradby.com and she will process the order for you – the larger size won't be stocked online so they're available on a first come, first served basis.

As a small business she has to be very careful with the quantities she stocks so if you haven't ordered yet, the Bien Dans Ma Peau collection is available in small quantities. Everything is available at the moment but when stock runs out it won't be replenished until next year. It means that if you've passed the code on to somebody with a hint for Christmas you need to give them a nudge! You can see the full Midlifechic collection here and you get 20% off with code BIEN20 (no larger discounts will be available in the run-up to Christmas). Thank you so much for supporting a small business run by a midlife woman… and great friend of this blog.

So there you go, hopefully you’re in the mood to get the midlife party started now. I certainly am, we kick off our celebrations on Thursday and we have something exciting every week now until the big day. I’m glad because October was a grey month, not only because of Mal’s back but it was also one of those where a few different people we care about had bad news and it seeps like ink doesn’t it? I’ve been working long hours, I haven’t been sleeping and we haven’t been dancing so I’m looking forward to party season and escaping into music for a while.

Music giving you ‘the feels’

And on that note about music I’m sure that everyone in the UK has seen the John Lewis ad so I’m adding it in for overseas readers. It’s caused quite a commotion over here with most people loving it and saying that it gives them all ‘the feels’. JL have spent a lot of money on ad campaigns this year that haven’t remotely touched me but this one which is low budget just blew me away. It’s so beautifully done – the song (always one of the greatest – go Alison Limerick), the characters, the facial expressions, the awkwardness and in the end, the love.

I know I’m a bit biased as a mother of sons (and somebody who’s always loved dancing) but I think it’s the best one they’ve ever done. And I’m SO glad to see them remembering their GenX customer. Their whole marketing strategy for the last 18 months has been based around what they call the ‘young aspiration seeker’ – or rather the 20-40 year old demographic. Their focus has been on building the new customer pipeline and I really feel they’ve taken their eye off their ‘active service lovers’ i.e. us, their loyal heartland.

Anyway this one is for GenX families – including their offspring; surprisingly it’s had as much impact on our boys as it has on us. Everybody is finding something different in it. For me it represents the people we midlifers were who still shine brightly inside us… and it represents the dedication that GenX have put into being a new kind of parent who builds a relevant adult relationship with their much loved children. It also shows that a lot of men are learning to be softer, more open to their emotions, able to show, in their different ways, that they care. After an emotional month I’ve been watching it over and over again because it reminds me that the year will end with the only thing that matters – my people… at home – and in all the hustle and bustle that’s about to to begin as we prepare for Christmas, that’s the thought to hold onto.

Because home is where love lives.

Disclosure: ‘Let’s get this midlife party started’ is not a sponsored post

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